Breath taken

Let's hash this out. I feel like if, on the average day, someone described my outlook on life, it would be optimistic and positive. Really believing everything is going to work out for good. And typically, that is my honest-to-goodness feeling. Since moving here, my whole framework and foundation has been a little bent and shaken. Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I've met some really amazing people and we have the BEST friends here. That's not it.

I follow my gut a lot, and I've had some gut wrenching, can't-put-my-finger-on-it feelings that have drug on and on without any resolution. That deep down "something isn't right" feeling that'll make me go crazy. I have a strong sense of discernment regarding some things, and good grief I've been wrestling with a knot in my stomach. Still can't pin it down, but thank goodness I'm getting a break from wrestling here lately.

Maybe it's that my sister is coming tomorrow. Or the voices of Christ-sisters who have warmed my heart. Or the text of a friend saying he's coming in June. Or the plans to go see Heart and Journey this summer (OMG!). Or that it is FINALLY getting sunny and not freezing. I don't know. Probably all of it. But my outlook has brightened.

And then just now, I went to get some groceries before Sam gets here. I pulled up in the parking lot and looked up and truly had my breath taken away by the sight of the city. It was like it had a billion stars and moons of it's own. I don't really get the whole "living the dream" thing of being in a big city because you don't really work your way up as a nurse. You go to school, you pick your niche and you work hard there. No corporate ladder. Not usually, anyway. See, my mountain-spirit self would much prefer laying in the grass or dirt on my back on Kitazuma or Rattlesnake or Estes Park and seeing a billion stars without the sound of any cars, trains, or sirens. But the skyline tonight was awesome. Tonight, it was quiet and clear, and this city looked like a billion stars. You don't see that in your grocery store parking lot every day. For now, I'm determined to enjoy this concrete mountain.