Thorns

I'm sorry, but this post is disjointed. It is much more for my soul than anyone's interest. My Bible study last week was about the thorn(s) in my side.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10.

Who put the thorn there: Satan. Why: to torment me with pain and doubt. Who can remove it: God. While it is there, I am kept from becoming conceited. Humility is a tough pill to swallow. Even though I beg God to remove the thorn, God is saying, "my grace is sufficient." And it sure is. God's grace has been my strength during the toughest and loneliest times of my life.

I vividly remember several very painful moments when Jesus was the only one I had. I mean literally. There are only two instances I feel confident that I can be descriptive enough about without saying too much. One of the longest drives I've ever made was spent sobbing over a trash bag full of memories of me that someone else intended to throw away. And I had no one to cry to. Even if someone would have answered their phone, my phone died when I drove out of that long gravel driveway. I don't think that was an accident. I felt like I couldn't take a breath ever again. Just writing about it hurts deep in the pit of my stomach. I was all alone. But not alone.

Or out of the country, hearing news from a precious woman with a beautiful British accent and a big round pregnant belly that our pregnancy had failed. My husband by my side, our innocent boy laying on my lap, and only Jesus in my mind. Phones didn't work. All alone. But not alone.

Other moments similar to that when my world changed completely, and all I had was Jesus. What a comforting end of the rope. Those moments or periods of life just crushed my heart. And not just a little bit. Teeny tiny painfully jumbled up and broken pieces of glass.

My thorns have always been broken relationships - I would say since my parents got divorced. I feel bad even writing that, but I don't think that's news to anyone. The thorns were broken relationships that had at some point shaped and solidified me as a Christian, daughter, girlfriend, sister, mother, you name it. But Jesus has always been more than enough. My thorn reminds me that this life hurts, but the salvation I have in Jesus is absolutely all I need! The thorn shows me and everyone else that I don't have it all together, and I don't have to. I'm not the one who put it all together in the first place. The thorn is annoying and frustrating, and it just plain hurts. God will remove it in time. His time.