Unfulfilled responsibility

“The root of anxiety is a sense of unfulfilled responsibility.” - Viktor Frankl, psychologist and Holocaust survivor.

I first heard that spoken by Rebekah Lyons when I watched the IF Gathering. 

This morning, I was struck still in the grocery store, heart pounding, unable to breathe, room closing in on me. When it all finished and I had tears streaming down my face, I thought of that quote. I have never in my life had a panic attack. I mean, I've gotten anxious. Like before we had to talk to a doctor we didn't know about Dad being force-discharged from the ICU all because of money. That certainly caused worry. I prayed desperately for peace and calm. 

Today was my own dern fault. In the middle of the soup aisle, I thought, "what is my unfulfilled responsibility that has led to my anxiety in this moment?" I'm usually so calm and at peace, truly. This was out of nowhere. So here's my thinking. I am extremely overwhelmed with what I'm facing head-on with Charlie, but I have a huge knowledge-base for health, nutrition, and fitness. I know full-well my responsibility and abilities as a mother, my charge of stewardship over these boys' lives and the talents God has given me. Their physical health (Charlie's sensory integration, Jack's digestive issues and hyperactivity) can be drastically improved if I would just apply what I know and provide for them with the best I have. And to add to that, I know how I should take care of my own body. Eight months of stress and grief have definitely thrown me off. And it's not letting up, since Jack just broke his wrist tonight, but at some point, I have to get a game-plan together and just do what I know is right. Luke 12: 48 "...When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required."

Can I get a witness? I've written this at least two other times on this blog. I'm pretty sure it was January/February both times. March 1st isn't far off. What's my deal? 

Paul summed it up: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do...  So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans7:15, 21-25

Anyone else ever dealt with or been surprised by anxiety? What's your unfulfilled responsibility? I know mine, and as soon as I can sit down and write out a meal plan, I'm getting after it!