Looking forward to something in particular

Ok. Here I go. I'm stepping out on a major limb, but I'm ready. I am looking forward to a natural delivery. Natural meaning no medications or interventions.

Let me stop you before you pick up your cell phone to tell me how crazy I am for thinking I want to do this.

My delivery with Jack ended with a perfectly healthy baby, but the means to that end were not ideal and nearly led to major abdominal surgery several times.

Problem #1: I was induced. At 39 weeks without much change at all on my own. For no reason other than borderline blood pressures and a very pregnant, very vulnerable first-time-mom brain. Baby was not ready to be here. My body was not ready.

Problem #2: I had pitocin. Unnatural. Evil drug. I hate it. Jack hated it, too.

Problem #3: I had an epidural. The epidural left me stuck in bed and kept Jack from descending the way he should. And it stressed him out and led to my having to wear oxygen for a while.

Problem #4: My epidural ran out at 8cm. Not good at all. Talk about pain for which I was absolutely not prepared. A sense of panic and terror.

Problem #5: I pushed for 2 1/2 hours. That's longer than most movies, people!

Saving graces from Jack's birthday:
1: our delivery nurse Katie advocated for me and was the best encourager ever. I 100% believe she saved me from a section.
2. Our family and friends entertaining and praying for us.
3. The excitement that we would meet our son.

After a lot of reflection on that experience and consideration of how Travis and I want delivery to be for Charlie, I know that I want to have a non-medicated labor and delivery. This all started pretty soon after I had Jack. Then I became pregnant and immediately went into research mode of how to prepare myself. I watched "The business of being born" and was convinced that I couldn't do what I did before.

I've read a lot and prayed even more about what to do. We met with a Lamaze instructor which wasn't a fun experience for Travis or me. Just awkward, really. That kind of set me back. It also made me rule out the option of a doula because Travis and I both view delivery as a private time for us. I am really uncomfortable with the idea of a home birth because I would go nuts thinking of all the things that could go wrong, no matter how capable the staff is. That's just my nature and comes with being an NICU nurse.

So what to do? Well, after reading several books on natural delivery to get my mind ready, I have now started preparing by going through the home study course of Hypnobabies. Several friends of friends have used it and swear by it. Today was my first test of it since starting the course. I went for my regular OB check-up and had to get my blood pressure checked. Doctors' appointments make me so nervous. After getting settled in the waiting room, I started my relaxation exercises, and by the time my blood pressure was drawn it was 105/68. Whoa! So I was pretty chill. Then I had to get a shot... did some mental scripts and didn't even feel it. Which reminds me I still have my bandaid on- taking that off will hurt more than the shot did. Then after drinking nastiness in a bottle and waiting an hour, I had to get blood drawn to check my glucose. I did the same mental exercises and didn't feel a thing. The lab girl actually thought I was falling asleep in the chair as she was drawing the labs. I'm sold. I hate needles and didn't even feel them today! The course takes 5 weeks plus review. I have around 11 weeks. I'm hoping it goes as planned!

I am also prepping for unexpected curve balls. I know that there are situations that warrant interventions, medications, even surgery. That's when those should be used: when medically necessary. I will face those should they occur with gratitude that another option exists to help my baby and me. But I sure do hope for the best, though.

I would be incredibly grateful for your prayers as we learn and look ahead. I would also love words of advice!